


Whispers In The Night

by LadyBee



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017)
Genre: Angst, Confessions, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-02-15 16:34:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13035102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyBee/pseuds/LadyBee
Summary: A long time ago Luke Skywalker had tried to teach him the danger of attachment. How those sweet and seemly harmless feelings could ruin one’s convictions and loyalties. Compassion was allowed, but the kind of feelings he came to harbor for Rey were something else. He was a disciple of the Dark Side after all. Desire and passion were a part of him and those were disgusting to her.Takes place after TLJ events.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I strongly suggest you to read this while listening to So Cruel and Bad, both songs by U2. They had set the mood for me to write it. I hope you'll like this and reviews are highly appreciated.

He looked through the glass. The darkness of his room and the quietness of space clashed against his own turmoil and a sudden urge filled his guts with rage.

He wanted it all to end. A violent conclusion to suit his own violent nature and finish for once the eternal war.

Skywalker’s death, his own father’s death...Those seemed to be small steps to his greater purpose. If he truly wanted to be free from all doubt and all inner conflict, if he truly aimed for power and mastery in the ways of the Force, he needed to let go of everything that held him back...Including her.

The though brought a bitter taste to his mouth and Kylo Ren closed his hand in a fist in a foolish attempt of erasing the ghost sensation of her hand touching his. That feeling seemed to haunt his mind even when he was sleeping. He could hear her voice, still so young, vigorous and full of hope. It should be offensive to him, but there was a tempting sweetness to it. An innocence he couldn’t help finding refreshing, charming and ironically cruel.

A long time ago Luke Skywalker had tried to teach him the danger of attachment. How those sweet and seemly harmless feelings could ruin one’s convictions and loyalties. Compassion was allowed, but the kind of feelings he came to harbor for Rey were something else. He was a disciple of the Dark Side after all. Desire and passion were a part of him and those were disgusting to her.

“ _I offered you everything.”_ He whispered to himself, although he knew her to be listening somewhere in the odd connection they had. She had been trying to shut him off since their last confront, but every now and then he could feel her peeping. _“I asked you...And you turn your back at me. We could have been great. We could have made things right.”_

There was no answer, only silence and the inevitable loneliness that plagued them both.

Once more he felt the tight knot forming in his throat and the crashing feeling of frustration and rejection. At this point he should be used to those. He had been experiencing them nearly his whole life, but still they felt more overwhelming than never and it was all because of her.

Rey had been keeping her mind occupied as much as she could. Without Skywalker to teach her, she had to craft herself a new purpose. He could eventually smell burned oil and smoke form burning engines of an aircraft; sometimes he could feel his body covered in sweat even when he had been sitting still for long hours; sometimes he could hear he distant laugh mixed with something else…

_Children._

Rey had been gathering young Force wielders and somehow instructing them in the ways of the Force when she barely knew them herself. It was a prelude to tragedy. Another foolish attempt of rebuilding the Jedi Order, when that rotten and corrupt institution should be buried for good.

Kylo Ren had to admit that her stubborn determination was captivating in a way, even when he found himself to be a victim of it whenever he tried to reach her again.

_Patience...You know what you’ve seen. It’s still there._

The thought came to his mind. A familiar voice that would guide him every now and then. At times he thought it to be the lure of the Dark Side guiding him actions, but now he wasn’t so sure anymore.

The vision came back to his mind. Rey standing by his side. His ungloved hand touching her face and bringing her closer to a kiss. Their connection finally recognized and accepted. An overwhelming sensation of fulfillment.

_She will be mine. I can still feel it._

He would have her for his Empress. They would rule the galaxy together and never be lonely again. Rey’s stubborn denial and her unreasonable belief that he would turn back to the Light were just a minor inconvenience.

And yet it felt excruciating.

A single teardrop cut his face just like Rey’s lightsaber had done in what felt ages ago. _My lightsaber_. He corrected mentally while wiped his tear away. Sometimes the emptiness was just too much for him to take even when he could hear a whisper of her voice from a distance.

Kylo Ren removed his cloak and tunic to rest. Sleep was something he had no hopes of getting, but at least he could try to close his eyes and reach for her.

During those hours he felt her resistances fading and he could almost feel the warmth of her body tightly pressed to his own. Rey would often stay silent and her anger was evident most of the time. Those moments were brief. She would always close the bridge between them once he tried to touch her. Maybe she was aware of the danger both of them were into. One touch and both of them would be ruined for good. It was a tragedy, but it also fueled his pride to know he still held such a power over her.

Kylo closed his eyes and allowed his mind to reach for her again. It was always somewhat the same. It started with her smell filling his nostrils all at once. There was something spicy about it, mixed with honey and the unexpected smell of wild flowers she often kept near whenever she could.

In the darkness he could see her back turned at him as she laid on her own bed. About a couple of months ago she had started to wear some kind o nightshirt to sleep. It was made of a light and vaporous white fabric. Something meant to be comfortable and yet he couldn’t help the lust it would always bring to his system.

Wherever she was Kylo could hear the sound of children laughing from a distance and he could sense her pride and satisfaction directed to her new apprentices. In some ways she saw herself in their youthful energy, but that too was changing with time. There was a necessity to protect and care for the young ones. It was a tender and warm feeling, but not even that could shake away her utter loneliness.

Ren couldn’t help feeling frustrate over her constant need of replacing the family she had lost. Not when he had offered her companionship just to be so cruelly turned down.

“If you want children, I can give you that.” Bitterness compelled him to break the silence, but even if he meant every word it still sounded like a joke; a provocation. He expected her to shut down their connection once she noticed his presence, but this time she did nothing. The idea of children sounded tempting for both of them.

“Go away.” She said with far less conviction than she had done before.

He didn’t need to ask why. He could feel the familiar loneliness lingering in her mind. It happened from time to time, especially at night.

“If you really wanted that, you would have shut me out already.” He answered as respectfully as his frustration and hurt pride allowed. “I can stay, if you want me to. Nobody needs to know.”

“I don’t want Kylo Ren. I’ll never want Kylo Ren. You are just a shadow tormenting me.” Her stubborn nature snapped back at him. Of course she didn’t want him. She wanted the boy.

“You want Ben Solo.” He sighed. “Your hope is wasted on it. Ben Solo is dead. There’s only me.” He replied bitterly even if he was trying to reason with her while he fought back the urge to touch her shoulder and make her look at him. “You are still holding back...This new plan of yours. This new Jedi Order you are so invested in...You’ll make the same past mistakes. Nothing can be built on an unstable foundation.”

“I’ll prove you wrong. I will help those children!” She sat on her bad with her anger all to evident. Still she wasn’t getting rid of him just yet.

“Like you wished someone had helped you.” He completed her thought, although Rey would never say that out loud. The loneliness was still there, along with the yearn for a family.

“Someone did.” She turned for face him for the first time during that awkward talk. The sight of his bare skin no longer seemed to affect her as it used to. She had lost a great deal of her innocence a while ago, but he missed her flushed cheeks all the same. “I had help. I had guidance and both Han and Skywalker were good men.”

“You had brief encounters with men that would disappoint you in the end. Believe me, they weren’t half as virtuous as you think they were.” Kylo insisted just to face that harsh look on her face as he laid his back against the mattress carelessly.

“The only one who disappointed me was you.” Her voice came out broken and pained. For a second; a brief and torturing second, he considered promising her all the things that she craved for. Constriction, repentance, devotion...Damn be compassion and all those silly notions attached to it. He simply couldn’t ignore Rey’s voice of accusation. Not when he needed her approval like a drug.

“Yet I’m still here. I told you...You are not alone. Not any more.”

“Why? I refused you twice. I’ll keep doing it until you understand that I will never bow to you.” Rey hissed at him, but he could notice the distress in her voice. Her resolution was weakening, just like his own.

“I know what I saw. You’ve seen it to and I’ve never heard of a Force vision that hasn’t come to fruition.” He answered in a gentle whisper, with longing, lust and a ridiculous sense of hope. “Even if our versions were a bit different...In the end we stand together. We belong together and even if the idea disgusts you...You know it to be true. That’s why I’m still here. That’s why I’m not giving up. I don’t want you to bow to me. I want you to stand by my side as my equal.”

“You could help me training the kids. Help me to rebuilt a new Jedi Order. One that is free from the old mistakes.” Rey’s voice was ever hopeful whenever it came to his redemption. Those suggestions had little to no appeal to him, but if she kept looking at him that way he would soon have his convictions crumbling. She never failed to make him feel helpless. “Help me, Ben.”

“Or you could quit this foolish notion of servitude and embrace what you were born to be.” He suggested instead. “Not a scavenger, not a servant or a slave, but an empress. My Empress.”

Rey said nothing for a while. There was hesitation in her silence and that gave him courage and made him bold.

He sat by her side and his bare hand reached for her. This time Rey didn’t try to repel him. His fingertips brushed the bare skin of her neck. Rey closed her eyes at feeling of his touch. The connection between them seemed stronger than never. It felt like they were in the same room and the air around them was heavy with expectation, tension and ultimately the Force that bind them together.

“You don’t crave power.” He acknowledge the reason behind her resistance. “You crave belonging and companionship.” His voice whispered close to her ear. He wanted to kiss her neck, to allow his hands to be bolder and claim her for good, but experience had shown him the value of patience and one could never be careful enough near Rey. “I want it too. A family, perhaps? With children of our own. Children we would never abandon...I can give you that, Rey.”

“You speak as if you were the only living man in the galaxy.” Her voice sounded feeble, but still stubborn. He tried hard not to laugh at it.

“Not the only living man, but certainly the only one who understands you like no one else could.” His lips landed behind her ear, kissing that sensitive bit of flesh and making her shiver under his touch. “I’m in your head after all.”

“You wouldn’t be if I could help it.” She turned her face lightly. Her lips partly open, almost begging for him to claim them.

“That’s the point. Neither of us can change it.” His mouth curved in a subtle and indulgent smile filled with longing. “At some point one of us will surrender. In which concerns my feelings for you...I’m not even fighting them anymore.”

Rey closed her eyes slowly. The Force seemed to surround and conduct them like a soundless tune. A love song no one could hear and yet they danced to it.

For a brief second he felt her warm breath against his face. His hand tried to cup her cheek and bring her closer. Their lips nearly touching and Kylo could feel the suffocating expectation and need.

“I love you.” His voice came out in a painful and releasing way, but he realized too late that he should have kept that for himself a while longer.

Rey pulled him away lightly and there were tears in her eyes.

No matter what he said or did...As long as he refused to bend to her will and embrace the Light, Rey would keep him in a safe distance and that little piece of confession was a triumph in her hands.

“I know.”

So she vanished in the darkness of their twisted connection. Her voice and smell still lingering in his mind and once more Rey broke his heart.

 


	2. Chapter 2

She could feel the rage building up in her core. Her mouth had a bitter taste as she held the lightsaber tightly in her hands as she cut through a mighty stone wall just to steam out that violent impulse.

At that point she was aware that those feelings belonged to someone else, although she found it releasing to be able to indulge those violent instincts every now and then.

That had became their routine. She could feel him in the back of her mind, lurking in her most dark impulses and trying to reach her to get to know things. He gave up trying to figure out her location a while ago, but he still had an obsessive interest in seeing her face or listening to her voice. Once things turned against his expectations and wishes he would lash out on furniture, droids, or anything his saber could reach. Rey’s own feelings would mirror his which was both terrifying and releasing.

It was disturbing and annoying at times, but Rey was slowly admitting that she missed his presence when Kylo Ren got too overwhelmed to deal with her at all. When his presence vanished from her mind, the loneliness replaced it and the feeling was asphyxiating and painful.

She heard the children approaching as they shouted her name from a distance. With a wave of her hand, Rey placed the fallen rocks to the ground to avoid accidents. It was fine to let her emotions show, but the little ones didn’t need to see their teacher throwing a temper tantrum.

She dismissed the class and retired to her room for a bit of privacy. Those moments with her new pupils were the best part of her day. Whenever she was training them Rey felt her life had a purpose. The children liked her and she liked them in return. There was genuine affection, respect and care. What else a teacher could expect from a student?

General Organa had provided her several texts about the ancient Religion and the Jedi, recovered from the archives of the Old Republic and the Empire. Part of teaching the new generation demanded from Rey to become a student as well and she was giving her best to fulfill that mission, even if there was this constant voice in the back of her mind laughing at her effort.

_Nothing can be built on unstable foundations._

Kylo’s voice kept coming back to warn her about the mistakes of the past generations and after a while Rey started to question her own ideals in which concerned the philosophy she wanted to use as foundation to the new generation of Jedi.

 

    _There is no emotion, there is peace._
    _There is no ignorance, there is knowledge._
    _There is no passion, there is serenity._
    _There is no chaos, there is harmony._
    _There is no death, there is the Force._
    
     The words of the mantra haunted her every now and then. The more she studies the old traditions and texts, more doubts she had.
     Rey had a great deal of emotions and no peace at all. The more she tried the acquire knowledge the more confused she got. There was no serenity in her, only a visceral need to throw herself at another purpose before she could go mad. Chaos at that point was an intimate friend and the Force was the one to be blamed for it.
    It seemed that most of the ancient cult was built on denial of feeling. Anger was forbidden. Fear was forbidden. Love was forbidden even if compassion was encouraged. She could love, but that feeling could never come attached to commitment or even more primal impulses like lust.
     Whenever she looked at one of her students’ face and tried to explain them those things Rey couldn’t help feeling like a liar or worst...A hypocrite.
    She had already indulged all of those feelings. She had tasted all of them intimately and whenever his voice called her name from the other side of the galaxy through their bond Rey felt her convictions crumbling.

_You don’t crave power. You crave belonging and companionship...A family, perhaps?_

Kylo Ren had accused her and Rey never managed to deny those things. She wanted them all and that was exactly what often made his offers so tempting.

_I can give you that, Rey._

At every conversation, every attempt of reaching each other through the Force Bond, Rey allowed her resistances to go down bit by bit to the point of giving Kylo enough courage to touch her boldly. It was exhausting to keep him out, but it was even more exhausting to fight her own impulses to answer to his caresses.

_I love you._..Those words kept echoing in her mind whenever she was alone. They felt like snakes sliding all over her body at night, tightening around her arms, legs and throat. Chocking her slowly, nesting on her belly and making it cold. A wave of panic and yet...Those snakes sometimes were warm, sensuous and even comforting.

Just the thought of it made her uneasy in her own skin. Rey removed her clothes and went straight to the shower in an attempt of cleaning her own mind of those silly ideas.

The sensation of water running down her naked body was to her a secret pleasure. A rare moment of peace in which she treated her sore body with a bit of vain care. Whenever she showered she felt like the wealthiest person in the galaxy. True royalty for enjoying such a luxury that was so scarce at Jakku.

“This is why the rain fascinates you?” His distant and curious voice echoed in her mind.

Rey opened her eyes with a startle as she used her arms to cover her body as much as possible. His presence would often make her feel uneasy and vulnerable, but never quite like that. She was truly exposed and helpless in her nudity. It felt humiliating.

“I’m not looking at you.” His voice replied to her thoughts. “I may be a monster, but I’m still mindful of my courtesies. You can get dressed. I promise you I won’t look.”

“Well...Thank you.” Rey replied with sarcasm as she grabbed a cream robe made of soft fabric. It was far from a respectful garment, but it was enough to keep her decent. “I thought you were gone for good after our last chat.”

At that he was silent and Rey could sense his pain intimately. _I know. From the first moment our minds touched; from the fight in the snow and through this bond...I’ve always known._

“Just because you know, you don’t have to rub it at my face and make me sound so pitiful.” He answered to her thoughts as his face and body appeared in front of her. He was wearing something comfortable for a change. A dark robe that seemed to keep him decent whenever he was in the safety of his chambers. His hair was wet, just like hers.

“I would never pity you. Not because of this.” She answered with a ridiculous tone of empathy in her voice and that seemed to insult him. It was frustrating to deal with those feelings, mostly because Rey considered them to be something precious.

“It would be easier if you simply despised those feelings or mocked them. It would make me furious and less inclined to come back.” He said and this time his voice was full of sarcasm and self depreciation. Kylo Ren was truly embarrassed while Rey simply didn’t know how to answer to them.

“I don’t think love is reason for pity. It may be your only redeeming quality.” Rey’s voice came out with a foreign wisdom that also sounded distant and cold. It seemed to offend him even more.

“I’m not looking for redemption.” He cut her immediately before the conversation could venture through places he would rather avoid. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“What question?” For a moment she was confused.

“About the rain.” His lips curved in what seemed to be an attempt of a smile. “You associate the feeling of water running down your body with wealthiness, luxury...It makes you feel like royalty.”

“Yes. I suppose so. Water is rare and expensive in Jakku. Long cleanings are not something most of us scavengers can afford.” There was bitterness in her tone, maybe because the memory of him speaking lowly of her parents and birth rank was still something hurtful to her pride. “Not something you ever experience, I think. You are royalty after all.”

“No. I can’t say that I have.” He answered without an ounce of regret for being a snobbish elitist. “I find it charming to experience these moments through your perception. Makes me more aware of the differences between us. No one knows you like I do and yet you surprise me all the time.”

“I’m the scavenger that amuses you.” Rey snarled at him and her reaction seemed to make Kylo uneasy.

“There’s nothing slightly amusing about this whole situation, but I can’t help feeling curious.” He said it politely. “Have you ever been to Naboo?”

“No, but I’ve heard stories about it. They say it’s beautiful.” She answered it with a mild suspicion that he might be trying to find out her location.

“It is beautiful, especially the lakes.” There was something pleasant about his voice this time. Something warm and inviting. “General Organa took me there a few months before sending me to Skywalker. I was dazzled by it.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Rey asked as she failed to see a point to his babbling. It was unlike him to indulge meaningless dialogues, but for some reason he seemed to be in need of a good chat.

“I suppose this is what a normal conversation looks like.” He replied with sarcasm. “Or maybe I’m being silly to think that you might like visiting the place.”

“Will you take me there? Do you think I’ll finally give in to your endless offers if you take me to Naboo?” There was mockery to her tone, but instead of angers and outrage Rey was surprised with a smirk from him.

“You are way more complex than this. Power and a family weren’t able to sway you from your convictions. I doubt water would do the trick.” His voice was soothing this time, pleasant even. “I would like to take you there though. Is it a crime?”

“Maybe not in another galaxy, or another reality. We are in opposite sides though. There’s a war between us. Maybe if there was peace...This wouldn’t sound so absurd.” Rey answered with serenity.

“Peace is a lie.” He answered almost mindlessly. “There’s only passion...You would experience a great deal of freedom if you simply let go of all the Jedi philosophy.”

“With that I must agree, but what alternatives do I have?” She replied without noticing how close had gotten.

“There’s no Peace. There’s only Passion. Through Passion I gain Strength. Through Strength I gain Power. Through Power I gain Victory. Through Victory my chains are Broken. The Force shall free me.” She new the lines coming out of his mouth as if they were an echo of a dream. The idea was tempting especially when passion seemed to be an old friend for both of them.

“Have it worked for you? Do you feel free?” Rey asked cautiously and what he found was the same heartbroken expression on his face.

“Do I look free?” He returned her the question to which she already knew the answer. Neither of them would ever be free. The Force had made sure they would be captives for a lifetime. Bound to each other; destined to either kill or surrender themselves to a fate that was still foggy. “That’s why both Sith and Jedi have no place in this anymore. Both visions are incomplete.”

“Finally something we can agree.” Rey smiled at him briefly. “Do you want to be free from this?”

“Sometimes.” Kylo confessed and Rey never thought if could be painful to hear. “I want to be free from a great deal of things, even from you; but I found the idea of not having you inside my head to be disturbing. I’m not fond of the emptiness that you leave behind every time you walk away. I don’t like being alone.”

“You are not alone.” Rey offered her his hand once more. That gesture had become some sort of forbidden ritual between them. Her body ached for his touch and the Force in her seemed to reverberated and call for him. It felt like a magnetic pull. A compulsion and still...There was a sense of belonging whenever they touched.

“Neither is you, but there will be a time in which touching your hand won’t be enough for me.” Even so Kylo accepted her offer. His hand held hers and their fingers entwined so their palms could touch.

Rey felt small and vulnerable as the distance between them seemed to vanish. Holding hands and hopes hasn’t been enough for a while and that was a dangerous thing to admit.

She closed her eyes and the vision was still there. They stood side by side as equals. His hand gently caressing her face as he leaned to kiss her lips, only this time the kiss felt just too real and too powerful.

Another vision flashed through her closed eyes. It was still very similar to previous one except for the fact that this time he was caressing her growing belly instead of her face. Rey opened her eyes suddenly just to realize that the first vision hadn’t been a vision at all.

He had kissed her with need and acceptance for his feelings to which Rey had answered just as eagerly. Ben smirked at her with pride and satisfaction.

“Then I’m not giving up just yet.” He said it in a slightly cocky way that made her blush. “I promised you a family after all, but I think I would rather fulfill this promise personally.”

“You may try.” Rey pushed him away as she tried to conceal her embarrassment with anger.

“Do or do not. There’s no try.” He answered with a hopeful gleam to his eyes. “I am doing it and you can blame Skywalker for this lesson.”

Slowly he faded away. His face looked youthful and vigorous as she had never seen before. That was probably the perfect picture of how if felt to have hope again and this was yet another thing they shared.

Kylo Ren had reached her, but it was Ben who had claimed her lips even after all those quarrels about how she would be the one to turn sides.

Rey found Ben’s lack of faith in her to be disturbing, but just like him she wasn’t giving up just yet.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to write a second chapter that turned to be way more hopeful and light than I had expected. I hope you'll like it and reviews are highly appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3

He looked to the dazzling sunset from the balcony. The shades of pink, yellow, red and orange fading in a deep blue canvas as light vanished. After so much time spent in ships it felt like a blessing to contemplate beauty from land again.

Naboo remained as beautiful as he remembered, but the persistent quietness still bothered him beyond imagination.

In their strange and dangerous dance Rey had been avoiding him entirely after their last chat. Whenever he tried to reach her the only thing he could find was a closed door. _She is afraid of what we saw._ Her fear had led her to a desperate escape attempt. He could hear the Falcon’s engines trying to reach hyperdrive speed without tearing the ship apart, but he had no idea of her destination.

It was pointless to keep that waltz going on. Hux was already suspicious that something was wrong with the new Supreme Leader. The next step would be a coup no doubt. The treacherous rat.

If he allowed Rey to escape through his fingers while still indulging their nightly chats through the bond soon Hux would find a way to use that against him. It was about time for them to quit that nonsense.

Ren would rather have her coming to him as she did once instead of forcing her hand, but Rey gave him no options though.

The Knights of Ren had been sent to hunt every Force Wielder in the galaxy. If they would be executed or kept alive it was still up to negotiation, but at least they would be under his control instead of becoming potential weapons in the hands of the ever Rebel General Organa. His mother remained as troublesome as ever, but at least he could admire her strength of character and consistency.

Of course he ordered for Rey’s capture as well. He could have labeled her an outlaw, but that wouldn’t work in his favor in the long run. She was to be chased and captured alive and unharmed and then brought to him at once with the status of honorable guest.

Kylo knew she was just too smart to get couch, that’s why the Force Wielders should be kept safe. Rey would come to rescue them. She would walk into his lair and demand their release as the heroine image she had craft for herself.

In their odd and violent courtship that was something like a date. Once she arrived they would figure the next step, but the anticipation and all the possibilities would torture him until he had her.

There was a statue of his late grandmother standing in the orchard that he liked to admire. The once Queen of Naboo had been a woman of extraordinary beauty and intelligence, and Kylo found in her features much of his beloved’s traits. Padmé Amidala was still well loved and honored all over the planet and that was why the Supreme Leader’s presence was welcome both in official and extra official visits.

There he could put the role of Supreme Leader away for a while. That place made him feel more like a teenager than anything else. He felt at ease for a change as he sat under a tree to observe the soothing landscape. He would often pass as an ordinary young man enjoying the villa. Someone almost invisible.

Ben looked at the statue carefully as he tried to replicate Padmé’s features in a peace of paper. He hadn’t draw in a long time so his pulse and fingers felt a bit stiff and clumsy. In the end it turned out to be a different face and Ben tried to remember if it was an accurate image of her or not.

Rey looked at him fiercely. Her hair let down, falling over her shoulders with a circlet braid around her head, like his mother used to wear. In his sketches she wore a dress for a change. Not the complicated and architectonic dresses women wore at special occasions in Theed. It was something light, fluid and translucent that would make her look like a spirit. A delicate deity that would torture his dreams to no end. One day he would have her statue built in that orchard so the galaxy would know her face and name for eternity.

A sudden disturbance dragged him back to reality. Mighty like furious waves clashing on the shore and magnificent like the sunrise. It was familiar and magnetic. _She is here._

Rey’s presence would never be subtle to him no matter how much she tried to be discreet. It was only a matter of time until she decided if she should or not reveal herself. Ben was counting on her curiosity and the undeniable pull that The Force had over them.

He went back to the safety of his chambers once the light outside fade. The lamp posts had be lightened and the whole villa looked like an enchanted view from the outside. Rey was hidden somewhere in the darkness, dueling with her own conscience while getting closer to the villa one step at time.

It was late in the night when a maid came to his chambers and that wasn’t at all unexpected. Ben had been waiting form her arrival for a long time.

“I would rather see you dressed in something more refined, but I guess it is a clever plan to sneak into my chambers dressed like a house maid.” He said while trying to not sound vain or too cocky. Naboo indeed made him feel like a teenager again. He could feel his heart hammering against his chest as his hands got shaken and sweaty.

Rey rose her head and removed the hideous hook to look at him directly for the first time since the Supremacy. Ben could barely believe that this time they stood in the same room. No bond, no daydreams...This time it was just them looking at each other as the galaxy burned outside.

“I was waiting for you.” Ben said calmly. “I was wondering how long it would take for you to realize it.”

“Release them.” Rey said briefly. Her voice was confident and sharp like a razor. “I don’t know what could possibly gain from this hunt of yours, but I won’t let you harm those people.”

“What I gain?” He rose from his seat and gave a few steps toward her. His movements were serene and precise, but his heart remained as juvenile as it had been when he first visited that place. “You are here, aren’t you?”

“This is it? You wanted me to come here?” Rey questioned in disbelief and annoyance.

“You would never come other wise.” He said as he waved his right hand gracefully in the air, summoning the object hidden under the layers of her skirt.

Rey tried to grab her weapon half way, but he had been faster. His hand closed around the metallic cylinder so he could exam it properly. He pressed the small ignition button on the side and the purple blades were revealed. That was a fine work and he had only seen double blade sabers like that in old holos.

“Give it back!” Rey ordered as she tried to summon the saber back.

“You are very clever indeed. This is a fine saber and it suits you well. I like the color. It must have been difficult to find a purple crystal. They are supposed to be rare.” Ben said gently before turning off the blade and putting the saber over the table. “There’s no need for sabers here. We won’t be surprised and I have no intention of fighting you today.”

“What do you want? Is this a game to you? You set the trap to catch me so here I am, now you tell me what you want from me.” Rey had no fear of him and she seemed unimpressed by the environment around her. In fact he doubted that she had even looked at the Naboo’s beauties at all.

“They are safe and no one has been harmed so far.” Ben reassured her. “As for what I want, I thought you knew it already.”

“You are getting insufferable.” Rey sighed and rolled her eyes. “This is a dangerous plan.”

“The only thing that can happen now is you being mistaken for my mistress, which is not entirely false.” He argued. “Of course your reputation will be ruined for good for your beloved Rebels. You would be labeled a traitor and a spy. Flying back to them wouldn’t be an option.”

“I’m not your mistress!” Rey hissed at him angrily. “How can you say something like this?! Won’t you ever stop insulting me? The scavenger, the no one, now the mistress?!”

“Do you have a better word?” He asked as a matter of fact. “We are constantly sneaking into each other’s chambers in the dead of night, or any other moment of quietness. Our talks are brief, hushed, secret and under constant risk of being exposed. There’s even intimacy if you consider that the things we say to each other we would never reveal to anyone else. Anyone would call you that if our connection were exposed. Just because I haven’t bed you, it doesn’t mean it’s less of a truth.”

“I hate you.” She answered in a tired tone as she gave a step back. “I’m tired of this. I’m tired of you and this thing we have. I want my own mind back. I want to be free from you and your games. I am not your woman. I’m not your fucking property for you to do what you want with me!”

“We will never be free from each other.” His voice came out broken. “I warned you about this. Accept it, Rey! We can’t break this bond. Fighting it is exhausting, so why keep doing it?” His hand reached for her face eagerly. He needed that. He needed to touch her to be sure that it wasn’t another trick of The Force.

“Don’t touch me!” She gave a step back to avoid his hand. That was enough for him to stop. He was a great deal of things, a true monster, but his vanity required her acceptance. He wanted her whole and willing, not a broken and lifeless thing. No man could ever dare to violate what is sacred and hope for anything but damnation.

Rey had never looked at him like that, with fear in her eyes. Rage, distrust, curiosity, empathy and even longing were familiar to him, but not fear. He didn’t like how it tasted in his mouth.

“You once said that you would never want Kylo Ren.” Those words came out of his mouth and they sounded like death sentence to him. “That’s why I wanted to bring you here. This is the only place where I can be Ben Solo for a few moments without losing everything.” He felt his eyes burning and the familiar choking sensation. Damn be Rey and the way she had him in her hands without effort. “You wanted Ben Solo. Here I am.”

That seemed to make her low her defenses. Rey looked at him carefully as if checking for signs of a lie as if he could ever hide something from her. She gave a step closer and looked at him straight in the eyes. Her body relaxed a little as she regained a bit of agency over the situation. Ben closed his eyes because even looking at Rey was painful at that point. He wished things were simpler. He wished that night to last forever so he could have her without a damn war in between. His life was an endless torment, but only Rey seemed capable to silence all those voices in his mind.

Ben felt her hand touching his face and it made him open his eyes. He took a deep breath before summoning the courage to cup her cheek with his hand and feel how warm and soft her skin was. Rey gave him a faint smile and he had to hold back the urge of kissing her again.

“What will be of you when I’m gone?” She asked in a gentle voice. They had barely meat and Rey already wanted to leave him, like his mother and father did once. Why love would always come for him with strings attached or the threat of separation?

“Why do you have to go at all?” He asked back. “Touching your hand is no longer enough. It never was.” Once he had insulted her for her parentage and obscure origin by saying that she was nothing, even though what he really wanted to say was that he could be the home she desperately wanted. He could give her belonging and companionship, a family even because regardless to their pasts Rey was the only one for him. “Stay.”

Rey didn’t give him an answer and the silence was the only thing standing between them. She didn’t step back. She didn’t avoid his touch. Where once was doubt, now there was resolution.

Ben leaned his head as his hands held her face like a precious and delicate treasure. Their lips touched and this time there wasn’t a thousand light-years standing between them. For the first time he would know how it felt to kiss her and to his great happiness Rey answered the kiss with the same passion.

He pulled her by the waist and raised Rey from the floor so their eyes could meet without much difficulty. Rey threw her arms around his neck as Ben carried her blindly across the room. He simply couldn’t get enough of her taste and each kiss felt like a step given toward his destiny. Whatever the Force had planed for him, the only thing that Ben was sure of was that Rey was an essential part of it.

Ben laid her on his vast bed and looked at her flushed face for a moment. Although her eyes were dark with desire he could also see that Rey was still insecure. For him it had always been perfectly clear what would happen between them once she had walked into his little trap. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t been flirting with the idea since the day their hands touched for the first time, but Rey had somehow preserved much of her childish innocence despite of her harsh life.

He couldn’t help finding this persistent innocence of hers lovely.

“I won’t hurt you, if that is what you a worried about.” Ben said while moving a string of hair away from her face.

“It’s not that what worries me.” Rey answered in a whisper as she looked at him with uncertainty. She didn’t try to push him away or stop his hand as Ben slowly opened her dress to reveal her tanned skin.

“Then why I feel you reluctant?” He kissed her cheek gently as he savored the warmth of her body under his.

“It have always been inevitable, hasn’t it?” She asked before touching the scar on his face. Rey had branded him as hers in several ways since they first meet.

“I don’t know.” He said while feeling her hands finally removing his tunic. “And I don’t care. You are all that matters to me right now.”

He kissed her once more with hunger and sheer lust. Fuck the Jedi and all the self imposed restrictions. He hadn’t reach that far to let go of Rey without allowing both of them to live those unspoken feeling to the fullest.

Ben could feel her nails scratching his back once his tunic had been removed. He hiked up her skirt and parted her legs to accommodate his hips between them. Rey sighed against his lips at the sudden contact.

His hands were impatient to deal with all the obstacles her clothes imposed, but eventually he managed to get rid of her dress. Of course he had imagine that scene countless times. Sometimes Ben couldn’t even tell if it was just his avid and lustful imagination of actually a vision created by the Force to stir his passion beyond his control. The truth was that reality exceeded all the expectations.

Rey seemed so small and frail under his body and yet it was Ben who was completely helpless. Once the night was over he doubted that he would ever be able to live without her.

Long passionate kisses weren’t enough for him to express his devotion to her. His bloody hands eagerly explored every curve and texture of her naked skin as Rey moaned sensuously. Her body arched under his once Ben kissed her belly and he couldn’t help feeling all too pleased with himself.

Ben placed Rey’s legs above his shoulders, keeping them spread. He kissed her inner tights slowly, tracing a path to her most delicate parts.

He sucked and licked her to ecstasy as he delighted himself with the little sounds of pleasure that Rey would let escape her lips every now and then. Such a mighty creature finally letting go of the control over her desires and her own power.

Ben could feel it. The Force in her in perfect harmony with the Force in him. The electricity feeling his veins, her perfume overwhelming his senses and Rey was dragged to a violent climax. Her fingers running through his messy hair, trying to dictate a rhythm and preventing him from getting away from her, as if such a thing was possible.

He came back to her lips, kissing her in the most obscene way possible. There was hunger in his eyes. A desperate need for the conclusion of that delightful interlude.

Ben pinned her to the mattress using only one hand to hold both her wrists. Ben wanted to see Rey’s face once he entered her. He wanted to savor that particular conquest and save it among his fondest memories.

She bit her bottom lip trying to contain a small cry. There was a bit of resistance as her body adjusted to the sudden intrusion. Ben moved slowly, giving her time as he kissed her tenderly.

That was it. There was no going back from that point in which both of them were doomed. Traitors to their causes and beliefs because the Force decided to pair them together against all odds. Two sides of the same coin, two verses of the same poem, night and day entwined in a primal and eternal dance.

The Force was dual and he had been plagued by the Dark Side since a very young age. All his life seemed to lead up to that. All the dreams of a woman dressed in sunlight, all those visions of a feminine face calling his name...They had finally found each other and Ben realized that he had never understood the concepts of duality and balance until that very moment.

In all the chaos of feelings and sensations that lovemaking implied Ben found a sort of peace that could only been described as heavenly. He embraced her tightly as they reached pleasure together.

He rolled to his side of the bed but kept holding her by the waist. It never ceased to surprise him who breathtaking Rey could be. For a brief second Ben allowed himself to feel hope and the vision he once had of Rey carrying his child came back to his mind just to tempt him even more.

Maybe it was still too soon to think about a family even though he was the Supreme Leader and succession was something to be considered.

Rey traced his scar with the tips of her fingers as if she was silently apologizing for that.

“I kind of like it.” She said with a playful smile on her lips. “Makes you look fearsome and it’s better than a mask.”

“I suppose I should thank you for it then. For me is just another way to remember how permanent you are in me.” He said gently. “My grandparents fell in love in this place. They got married in the garden. Theirs too was a forbidden love.”

“What you really want to say, Ben?” Rey asked bluntly and yet her voice was a sweet one.

“Maybe there’s still hope for us.” He shrank his shoulders a bit. “Marry me under a tree with only the sunset for witness.”

“Me? A no one form Jakku?” She teased. “I’m nothing, Ben. I’m just someone who happens to be your very opposite in the Force and everything else.”

“And yet both the light and the dark are parts of a unity.” He replied sadly. “Until you came my life had no meaning. You are everything.”

“Release the prisoners. Give the galaxy back to the Republic and let us live a simple life together.”

“I would rather have you ruling by my side as empress. I’m not doing this out of pettiness or cruelty. I want to rule. I want to make the galaxy better. We could do great things together. Even if it wouldn’t be the simple life that you want, it still could be a happy one.”

“I’m not your empress. I will never be your empress.” She said as she caressed his face while looking at him with sweet eyes of treason. “I would love to be Ben Solo’s wife though.”

“Is this a promise?” He questioned bitterly and Rey seemed startled at his tone. “Will you marry me if a give up the First Order to form a new Republic?”

“Well...Yes.” She answered unsure.

Nothing more was said between them that night, but the passion they had was shared several times before the sun was up.

Ben finally managed to sleep when the sun was almost rising. It had been a long time since he last slept so well and so heavily. His dreams this time were happier.

He woke up and Rey had vanished. The empty bed made him wonder if it had all been just another vision, but her smell in the linens was just to real. He buried his nose in them, hopping to get intoxicated by that perfume as his eyes burned with tears and rage.

He screamed with rage as the pain took over him. To be apart from her was worst then torture and Rey simply loved that cruel game of giving him a sip of her love to then turn her back at him. The Starkiller Base, the Falcon’s door closing at his face, one of those nightly conversations and even when he believed to have her entirely for himself Rey would escape between his fingers.

How many times she would break his heart before realizing that they belonged together? Ben Solo would either build a new republic from scratch or let Kylo Ren set the galaxy on fire. Rey would be his one way or another.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if this chapter fits the rest of the narrative, but I wanted to give them one moment of true passion. I hope you'll like it and reviews are highly appreciated.


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